A state of disbelief, in a happy way :)

I truly cannot believe my daughter has grown up so much. Its gonna be 11 months really soon and I really have no idea how all these months went past me. She is almost walking, she is talking, she dances, she claps, she shows her love, she knows exactly what she wants and she knows exactly how to get it. She is just amazing, a perfect angel. :)

I have gotten so used to making more and more new friends thanks to Little One. In just less than 11 months, she has sure made friends with half the world. And that's why, I am gonna have a huge headache doing up the guest list for her bday. If the venue can accommodate the entire world, I would definitely invite every single person who has been part of her life in one way or another. I am going crazy here with all the preparations. So much to do. And this desperate want, to have everything be perfect is not making it all any easier. Anyhow, I really cannot wait for the day to come. My Little One's Golden 1st. :) :)

And especially, at this point of time, I really don't know what I would do without you. I have managed to refrain myself from blogging about you all these time. But this time, you truly deserve it. With everything that is going on, I am not sure if I would have been able to manage it all this time, without you being around. You must be godsend, to have everything I never thought I will see again and for it to have even begun in the only way I always wanted it to. And there are times, I still cannot bring myself to believe this is happening for real. That I could have been so lucky. And that's why, I will say it again, God loves me so much, and more than that, he loves her too too much. You know. :)

I really wished I could buy time. So much to do in so little time always. And I really have to stop compromising on my rest and sleep because of everything else.

To you.I know you are not alright. And I feel terrible I cant make you feel better. It wont make anymore sense if I were to still stick around.There will come a day I will have to apologise to you, I am not sure if I will even be given that chance to do so, so I am saying it now. I am sorry that its gonna break you so badly. This is something I just cannot let go off, not for you, not for anyone, not for anything. I am sorry.

And to you. I am beginning to wonder why you even came back. It doesn't make sense. You don seem to be interested half the time. Its not like we need you here desperately either. I dunno. And it makes it all the more harder for me to be patient with you and welcome you wholeheartedly when I get to see everyday what you should be doing, being done by someone else, in a rather perfect way. I just hope and pray you will make the best out of this and someday, manage to find yourself back.

Okie, I gtg settle the draft for the invitations and decide on the places to go for cake-hunting tom! Will be back, hopefully soon enough. :)

Welcome Back. :)

Morning shift tom. Its close to midnight. Yet, here I am blogging away. Ok but this time, I really need to. Seem to have lots going on currently and as usual, no one that interesting enough to talk to, ok ya except you I guess, and thank God for you, for everything you are. Really. :)

Anyways, what a month it has been. Seriously. Mainly, I would call it a month of making-up. I think I can get a record for the number of people I made up with this month. Loved ones who just decided to take off for no reason, best friends who decided to just vanish all of a sudden,childhood friends I never thot I would ever have contact with again, enemies who have spouted poisonous words, and the person I never imagined I will have a need to address as, My Friend, a good friend at that, one fine day. And just so you know, I completed that sentence with a huge fat sigh.

For the loved one, you have no damn idea how overjoyed I am that everything is so well between us now. I wont say its back to where it was, cos I just know that its gonna be better than ever. I missed you so badly, and I know you did too very much. I never had someone in the position you play in my life. A relation I always wanted in fact. Someone to look after, someone to love and scold, someone to care and protect, someone to have great fun and serious sessions with, someone to be there for and will be there for me, and now us, always. More than anything, as I have said before, Little One needs you. Very much. I am dependent on you for this dearest. And I am so glad you are finally back and everything is gonna go great..My Trumpet. Love you. Sundayyy! :)

For the best friend. Ironic that it was called best friendship, yet you vanished just by saying you will explain to me soon. When I finally heard from you again, I was soooo happy and you know it. Somehow, I am wishing now you didnt come back, you didn't explain your disappearance, you didn't make me discover the ugly truth. Sadly, it has changed things bet us and you know, I know, its never gonna be the same again. I guess I will forgive you eventually, but the closeness we had, its gone. And in your case, I am sad you came back.

Haiyz. And you. I don't know. I really don't know how good, or bad this is gonna be. I forsee lots of bad more than good actually. I gave you my word that I will have your back, with others. There will be lots to be said, lots of questions asked, lots of skepticism, lots of gossips and lots of everything that isn't really good. And during all these, I promise to stand beside you and face it all with you, and even fight for you, if necessary. Solely for her. But one thing I cannot, and will never be able to do, is to do all these sincerely, expecting you to keep up to your word. In fact, I am having absolutely no expectations, and I am gonna go on every single day fighting that urge to expect something great out of this, until I see concrete signs. My only, and only reason to even do this, is to salvage anymore damage it can already bring without it happening at all in the first place. After all these months, many things have happened to convince me enough that a little bit of you, even if its just tiny weeny, bad or painful, is better than nothing of you. So ya, here you are. I hope you will make the best out of it.

okkk. I reallyyyy need to get some sleep now! I havent touched on the plans made for end of this year! Oh and for 1 years old! So excited. I will leave that for next time!

Btw, Little One 9 months and 1 week old! Busy crawling around and standing up! Love you baby. :)

Oh! And pamster admitted in my ward! So cool, under my care and getting royal treatment cos she is Staff Nurse Shamala's sister! Hehehe. Get well soon my dear! :)

Nitey nite!

Thankful

Yes, things go wrong in life. But more often than not, we fail to realise that these things do bring about some good somewhere, someday. And right now, I am earnestly thankful to God for showing me time and again how the things that went wrong in my life, are actually being my learning guide to finding my way to a happy and contented life.

I am thankful that my childhood was never, that really peaceful. I am thankful, that I knew how it feels to be from a broken family. I am thankful, I know how painful it is not be able to live with a parent, when you so badly want to. I am thankful I know how frustrating it was when my parents couldn't get along or have a cordial relationship just for our peace, if not for theirs. I am thankful I know how much it sucks, to call someone else your parent when they are not.

I am thankful I realised how dangerous it can be when you become so dependent on someone. I am thankful I am able to shake everyone off and stand on my own feet, by hook or crook. I am thankful I have learnt how unappreciated it is to be honest. I am thankful I have learnt to shut my mouth and let people think and say what they want. I am thankful I know how much it could backfire when you put all your trust on one person. I am thankful I know how painful it can get when you love someone too much, especially when they don't deserve that love.

I am thankful that You kept me so happy at one point of time. I am thankful that right now, You don't seem to be able to do that anymore. I am thankful that You were a totally different person then. I am thankful that I don't see that person in You anymore. I am thankful, that I am someone who is able to forgive, You. At the same time, I am thankful that I am not that nice of a person, to forgive You entirely.

Because, in each and every one of these, I am thankful that I have learnt how to give the best, for my Little One.

Backsss!

I realised today, that good education is one of the most valuable thing you can possess in your life. It gives you prospect and in a way, forces people to treat you with respect. It gives you a good job, a good image and a good reputation in the society. And today, I thank God that I have a cert in my hand that allows me to have a decent, respectful and professional career.

I accompanied my friends for a part time banquet job today. And I was really appalled by the way the managers, and even some of the guests, treated us. Literally, like slaves. It was such a different environment and treatment from being a staff nurse, and I really couldn't get use to it. Frankly, I felt so insulted. I have seen people going, "Wow, I am so proud of you and I salute you for the career you have chosen." And here I was, being shouted at rudely, ordered around and treated so unfairly.

I am not sure if I will ever do it again, but nevertheless, it was a good opportunity for me to reflect on how important and valuable education and a good career is, in life.

Anyways.

I can't really think of a single good reason why I haven't updated for the past, I think 3 months? So ya, don't ask either. Let me just give a few updates, and hopefully, despite all the many many things that have happened, I am able to make this as brief as possible.

The last time, I said she turned 5 months rite? Haha, Ms Adrielle Vinesha will be turning 8 months this coming 16th. Time flies ah? She is now bigger, smarter and of cos, much naughtier. Yes she is! She can be so cheeky, like for example, she knows she shouldn't be putting weird things into her mouth, and yet, she will take it slyly, look at us from the corner of her eye, and slowly put it in her mouth with a really cheeky smile! And when we say, "Nooooooo!" she throws the thing down and starts wailing away without any tears! Soooooo noty! :) :) But omg, she is so clever! To think that she knows so much at this age itself. She has two tiny weeny front teeth and she is beginning to crawl. And the very latest development, she reaches out her hands to us asking us to carry her. Always! :) :)

And yes, looks like she really didn't take after me in the looks. Then again, I heard that babies look like their fathers in the beginning stage cos that's how fathers bond with their child. And after a few years, it will go off. So lets see. Adrielle, lets hope its true, cos I am much better looking. Heh Heh. :)

4 more months before she celebrates her very first bday! I have started my planningsss, but I am still choosing between a nice ballroom or a huge huge chalet... I cant figure out which is more worth. Hmmm.

Oh yes, the last time I blogged, I haven't started working rite? Haha. Ok, big big big shock. I didn't get any of the choice of departments I requested for. Instead, I got a cardio/respi ward. Its all abt the heart and the lungs. Topics that never, ever caught my interest one bit. So ya, as you can imagine, I was on the verge of tears on my first day when I found out this. But now, after 2 months of working there, I decided, it isn't really that bad after all. Its a serious discipline, more admirable and I really get to learn so much. So ya, here I am! and if you are wondering why I am working part time, no its not cos I am psycho or anything like that. My roster is just funny this 2 weeks, I have 4 days of leave at one go and then I work for 11 days straight! Apparently, I heard its normal. So ya, I decided to make use of my 4 days! :)

Did I ever mantion how amazing God is? He plays around in your life in such a way where no matter how much of hide-and-seek you play with Him, you eventually end up just running back to him, thanking him for everything again and again. Thank you Lord, for letting me watch the way you do your wonders in everybody's lives, every single day. Simply amazing. And I love you very much. :)

You know what is the best and most joyous part of my tiring days? Its whenever I come back home from work, and my darling daughter starts to jump up and down laughing away really loudly the moment she sees me, and when I get closer, she literally jumps onto me, holding on to me really tightly. And if I don't carry her and walk away after seeing her, she starts to scream and cry really loudly, this time with tears dropping all over. Such love, and the feel of such dear moments, just cannot be described with simple words. :)

When someone you love very much becomes everything to you, being the centre of your life, your life itself, becomes beautiful instantly. Because, everything you do, you do it for them, and nothing is something you have to do, but WANT to do. :)

Happyyyyy! :)

Little One's latest speech is, "Ta-ta-teh-ta-ti."

:) :)

I don't think I have ever felt more better about myself than this. I feel great. Almost everything is so settled in life. No complications, no hiccups, no major probs. Everything is so calm and fine. I have completed my diploma, I am starting my job, I am financially stable, I have a beautiful daughter to love, I have great friends, loving family & relatives and alsoooo, I have lost weight!Hehehe. I feel so good. :)

I collected my uniforms and shoes last week. The feeling was so overwhelming. Somehow, the uniform looked grand. Haha. I guess its just psychological. It fitted so well, and I know I look good in it. When I wore it at home and paraded in front of everyone, they were all giving that "oh my!" expression. HEHE. Anyway, I really love my uniform! :)

I am truly amazed by my Little One's charisma. She seriously attracts too much of attention. Like even from strangers in public. The other day, when we went to get the high chair at Compasspoint, I was standing outside a shop with the pram and looking at stuff. After awhile, there was like a mini crowd gathered at the pram playing with her! I was so shocked! Haha. Thats why I say, God loves her too much cos He has been doing just too much for her from the very beginning. And I seriously cant count the number of strangers who have become friends, good friends with me thanks to my dearest baby. :) :)

I have come to believe in karma. We reap what we sow. We will pay for our sins somehow, and be rewarded for our good deeds in someway.

And in your case, I wished, I really wished, I didn't have to pay for it.

To that one person who can change the remainders to perfect bliss, I am sorry, and, I love you. :)

I am soooo excited for Monday, but for now, I am excited for tom. :)

"Ta-ta-teh-ta-ti." :)

***

I am in quite a happy mood right now. :) Sometimes I wonder if I have bipolar disorder. Hehehe. But then again, with my Little One, its always happy happy happy. She just has the magic in her to set things right somehow. :)

So yes, I kinda had a horrible Sat. Started off with a big fight with someone.. And then, a chaotic evening that has almost ended an important friendship, I think, and a night that just made me feel lousy head to toe. And then, as usual, Sunday was just a day full of reflections and trying to find possible reasons for all these and just somehow making myself feel better. Well, sadly, it didn't work this time.

Not until just awhile ago, when my dear Little One suddenly got into a really happy and playful mood and started laughing out loud at every single thing!Like really, "Heh Heh Heh!" It was the loudest laughter ever from her! We were just staring in awe. And immediately, everything seemed better! I cant describe the feeling I get each time she does something new. Its just so fascinating. Just like how it was in the video I uploaded of her sitting all on her own for the very first time. :) :)

And then Vaissh called to say she and Hemma are coming to visit on Wed. So long since I saw them the last! So excited. :)

And yes, its really amazing how from family and friends to strangers and enemies, everyone is crazy about my Little One. And thanks to this, the fact that, just that one person isn't, doesn't seem to matter at all. :)

Lots of expenses next month. I am starting solids once she is 6 months. So, gotta get so many stuff for that like the high chair and solid foods and ingredients. And then I gotta sew her suit for her 6th month :) And work is starting soon. And then yes, the normal survival expenses for both me and her. Hmm. :)

Humans are really great pretenders. Including myself. I wonder how we do it. Pretending to be happy or sad, pretending to be angry or cool, pretending to be a good friend, pretending to be in love, and many more. I guess there is always an objective to our pretence. I don't think anyone does it for fun. Cos it takes an effort to even pretend. There must be something we wanna achieve, or get from it. Pretending isn't the issue, its that something that we want. It shouldnt be a bad one. Cos then, its wrong. As for me, I know my pretence are for nothing wrong. If something good comes out of this pretence, why not? :)

My helper's name is Myenavathi. :) She has two daughters and their names are Aananthakanni and Ithayakanni. She has one grandson and his name is, Neethibathi. :D

And the best part is, today she came to me and told me in tamil, " I have a new name for your daughter! My own name for her!" And when I asked what, she said, " Inbakanni". :O :O

Hahaha. I like her. She is nice. I think I can say we have had a million of helpers, and very few of them leave happy memories in my heart. And I am quite sure, Myena will be one of them. Not for anything but just for the way she takes care of Little One. :)

So yes, I finally made up my mind after thinking for months. I like the way it is, at the very least, I feel much much more secured this way. And thats why, I have decided on that too. My options look good, so why not? Especially since, most importantly, it benefits her :) You can start counting your days my dear. People who do wrong things, don't remain happy forever. Somehow, we will always have to pay for it, in one way or another. ;)

I have already gotten the best ever in this. I am not settling for anything lesser than what has been the best. If you really want it, beat the best. ;)

I know. No I am not fickle, I just contradict. :)

My Intelligent Daughter :D

From BabyCenter.com :)

Child's Age

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)

5 months

• Distinguishes between bold colors • Plays with his hands and feet

• Recognizes own name • Turns toward new sounds • Rolls over in both directions

• Sits momentarily without support • Mouths objects • Separation anxiety may begin

6 months

• Turns toward sounds and voices • Imitates sounds • Rolls over in both directions

• Is ready for solid foods • Sits without support • Mouths objects • Passes objects from hand to hand

• Lunges forward or starts crawling • Jabbers or combines syllables • Drags objects toward himself